Just DO IT!

During my junior year of college, I was deciding where I wanted to study abroad and I was scrolling through photos of Thailand. I came across pictures of Wat Rong Khun, the White Temple in Chiang Rai, Thailand. I read about the symbolism behind the temple, how it represented the need to get rid of material possessions, attachments, greed, and desire to achieve true happiness and Nirvana. I instantly knew this was where I was destined to go to study abroad.

I decided to study abroad in Thailand because I had a huge interest in connecting more deeply with my Hmong roots, learning about Thai culture and the Thai language, healing, growing, and traveling. My parents are refugees from Laos and were in Thai refugee camps, so I always felt a sense of longing for this second home. Growing up in a predominantly white community of Spokane, Washington, I grew up being stared at, judged, and harassed simply for being Asian. I was made to feel like an outsider and perpetual foreigner when I was called a “chink,” constantly asked, “Where are you really from?” and was shouted at more than a few times, “Go back to where you came from!” I heard from two of my Asian American friends that they really enjoyed studying abroad in Thailand and felt so welcome there. That sense of belonging and inclusion was a feeling I had been desperately searching for my entire life. With the help of my study abroad office at Gonzaga University, I applied to the University Studies Abroad Consortium (USAC) program in Chiang Mai, Thailand for the Spring 2023 semester.

In Thailand, it was funny how many Thai people would assume that I was Thai and would start speaking to me quickly in Thai. I would have to throw up my hands and explain in Thai, “Sorry, I only speak Thai a little bit,” to which they would usually reply with, “Wow, I’m surprised because you look Thai,” or “You speak it so well.” It was an oddly comforting feeling to be mistaken for being Thai because in the US, I often was seen as a foreigner in my own home country. I finally felt like I fit in, belonged, and wasn’t being judged for the way I looked. I was accepted and seen as just the same as everyone else, which was a sense of belonging that I had been searching for for a very long time. I enjoyed connecting with Hmong people at markets, at my university (Chiang Mai University), and randomly while traveling throughout Thailand. I loved having two Hmong friends who are from Wisconsin who became like family to me while I was abroad. As a Hmong-American woman, I felt privileged to get the opportunity to learn more about my Hmong people and culture in the “Highland Ethnic Peoples and Social Transformation of Northern Thailand” class. I felt grateful that I got to meet and learn from my uncle, who is a professor at CMU, and who taught me a new perspective on how Hmong people are part of a larger international Indigenous struggle and movement. For my final project in that class, I analyzed how Hmong people and other Indigenous communities in Thailand are fighting for Indigenous rights, recognition, and citizenship.

One of my favorite things I did was visit Buddhist temples all around Thailand. The temples were stunning with gorgeous artwork and immaculate details. I especially loved the fun popular culture references inside of Wat Rong Khun. I also enjoyed meditating at waterfalls and hot springs because of the great sense of peace and relaxation I would feel. I loved cafe-hopping with friends, and studying together with fun music and delicious food and drinks. I enjoyed hiking at Doi Inthanon National Park because I watched the sunrise with friends, and met a few elderly Hmong tour guides along the hike, being greeted like family. I also enjoyed hiking with my friends and a Karen tour guide in northern Chiang Mai, then stayed overnight at a Karen village. It was fun cooking with the family and getting a hand-tying blessing from the village shaman. Another main highlight was speaking with Karen man in four languages, English, Thai, Hmong, and Karen. I don’t speak Thai, Karen, or Hmong fluently, but it was fun practicing with him and teaching him some basic Hmong. I also loved relaxing on the beaches, swimming, and snorkeling in Krabi, Koh Phangan, Koh Samui, and Phuket. The water was so clear and stunning. I truly felt like I was in paradise.

There are three key takeaways from my study abroad trip:

1) It’s OK to be suspended in uncertainty. I thought that I would be ready for a master’s or doctorate program right after undergrad, but I felt exhausted and burnt out from six years of college (two years of Running Start and four years at Gonzaga University), so I felt like I wouldn’t be able to give my all and I didn’t feel ready. While meditating in Thailand, I felt this calling to just continue exploring and finding what’s best for me along that journey. The possibilities are endless. I learned that I should not confine myself and limit my dreams. I am currently suspended in uncertainty and that’s OK with me.

2) Be open to everything and attached to nothing. I learned that it is helpful for me to not get attached to the outcome of situations. Through meditation and learning more about Buddhism, I learned the value of letting go of attachments to let go of unnecessary suffering. I also learned it’s helpful to accept the reality of things to protect my peace of mind. Keeping an open mind will help me in my future adventures, jobs, and interactions. I learned that the universe will present me with the right people and opportunities at the right time if I keep an open mind and remain open to new experiences.

3) It’s OK to just be. I have always strived to learn, unlearn, and relearn. While growth is important to me, I also have to accept the reality that I am enough just for being me and simply for existing.

Although I believe it’s usually uncommon for seniors to study abroad during their last semester, I knew I wanted to take this leap to go on an incredible journey and dip my toes into traveling internationally. I knew that it would be less daunting to start traveling internationally when I had a support network and guidance from my study abroad program. In my freshman year, I would have never thought I would be traveling abroad my senior year and making my dreams come true by living in Thailand. I am more open to possibilities and am seeing where the wind takes me rather than trying to force a certain path. I am taking time to just travel currently without any school or work, just simply quietly existing and traveling throughout Asia for a few months. I need to do this for myself. So much of my life, I have spent on living for others and seeking external validation. But now, I can finally say I am working on living for myself more, while still trying my best to balance supporting my friends, family, and community back home with healthy boundaries. Through USAC, I was able to build the confidence and courage to continue traveling abroad in Asia for 6 months after the program ended! I was able to solo travel for 6 months, visiting a total of 8 countries this year -- Thailand, South Korea, Japan, Vietnam, Laos, Singapore, Malaysia, and Indonesia.

I am thankful that I studied abroad during my senior year because I was able to celebrate the end of my college journey by living in a new country and expanding my perspective immensely. Overall, studying abroad in Thailand with the help of USAC was a great opportunity to start my traveling journey. I am so grateful to USAC for allowing me to deepen my understanding of my Hmong culture, make new friends from around the world, and grow as a person emotionally, spiritually, and culturally.